New Poem Day # 9...

Sensei’s advice on nature

“I don’t understand
the phrase “all natural”
because really, where else
would they get the ingredients?
Even chemicals and artificial
coloring have to come from nature
at one point or another. So if not
from nature, the only other
place things could come from
would have to be another
dimension entirely. And honestly,
I would be more prone to
buy a snack bar that had the
phrase “extra-dimensional” on
it rather than “all natural”
because I think they might
have some flavors over there
that I haven’t tried yet.”

Inside the World of Your Friendly Neighborhood Hero...

Out now in bookstores nationwide is Spider-Man: Inside the World of Your Friendly Neighborhood Hero. My newest volume in DK Publishing's recent line of guidebooks (which includes Iron Man: The Ultimate Guide to the Armored Super Hero and Wolverine: Inside the World of the Living Weapon), this comprehensive look into Peter Parker's life and times was co-written by the legendary Tom DeFalco, and features hundreds of illustrations from artist from all different eras of the wall-crawler's life.

Here's a glimpse inside if you don't have a bookstore nearby:

So pick up your copy today, and soon you could be the guy who leaves the movie theatre complaining loudly about how the film version was different than the comics. Because really, who doesn't want to be that guy?

Okay, most people. But you should still buy the book.

New Poem Day # 8...

Death and Skiing

Rob and I descended the hill,
my skis tossed over my shoulder
while Rob slid beside me
on his ski pants, not even
making the attempt to walk down
the steep slope of ice.
As the other skiers zipped
past us, spraying a fine mist
of white, I said to Rob
that if a person already had
really bad self esteem,
and they were considering suicide,
they should go skiing, and make
sure to bring a gun along.
That way, if they’re as bad
at skiing as we are,
they’ll get frustrated enough
and instead of walking back down,
they can just shoot themselves
right then and there,
and then they won’t have
to worry about returning
their skis or about people
laughing at them from the
ski lift.  Because no one
laughs at dead people.

New Poem Day # 7...

To help celebrate my wife's birthday, here's a poem from a past birthday gone horribly wrong:


It’s his party

The day before my brother’s
thirteenth birthday, I threw
a stick at him while playing
in the woods.  The stick
hit him right in the eye,
and we had to rush him
to the hospital.  He came
home with a huge patch
covering his left eyeball.
The next day when all
his friends came over for
his party, Mom had to
make everyone think it was
pirate-themed just to
keep my brother from crying.

New Poem Day # 6...

Today's poem helps explain why I'm not much of a sports guy:


Our Goal

When I was in second grade,
our soccer team only scored
a single, solitary goal.
None of our parents had the heart
to let a bunch of excited kids
know that we’d scored
the goal not on our
opponents, but on ourselves.
We probably should have
figured it out by the
other teams’ expressions
of joy and gratitude,
but we just thought that
they knew it was our first goal
and were genuinely happy for us.

New Poem Day # 5...

Today's poem details an important lesson I learned back in college about the dangers of inviting a female friend to a "guys' night."

Male Bonding

When I agreed to let

her go out with us

to the bar, she promised

she would act like

"just one of the guys."

But there was something

in the way she kicked

me under the table

every time I'd talk

to another girl that

hinted to me she'd

gone back on her word.

New Poem Day # 4...

A thought on the D train

If I could read

women like a book,

I would probably still

be just as clueless

because I’d spend all

my time rereading my

favorite chapters and

only skim through the

hard parts, which are

probably the parts that

they’d want me to pay

the most attention to.